It's a Miracle

Two years of suffering, a dozen doctors, and the life-changing treatment no one bothered to mention.

After falling off the wagon, I dusted myself off and climbed back on, and something kind of miraculous happened. I started bingeing reels and TikToks about menopause and perimenopause, mostly from Dr. Mary Claire Haver, and suddenly it was like a light switched on. I realized I had nearly every symptom she was talking about, and once that clicked, I dove headfirst into researching HRT.

I started reading everything I could find—blogs, articles, Reddit threads, and videos from a recent women’s health summit. And then the algorithm took over and started feeding me more. One day I heard someone say that heart palpitations are one of the most misunderstood symptoms of perimenopause, and suddenly everything made sense.

Two years ago, my heart started racing out of nowhere. Sometimes while I was just sitting on the sofa, my heart rate climbed to 123. It was scary. I thought it was early indication of heart disease, so I went to my doctor. She took one look at my blood pressure, hooked me up to an EKG, and then said she was calling an ambulance. Shocked, I refused the ride, drove myself home, and had my husband take me to the ER instead, where we waited over eight hours, never saw a doctor, and I missed my youngest son’s last dinner at home before leaving for college. It was a total shitshow, and I shiver with fear about the standard of care coming in the future thanks to the BBB.

A few days later I ended up at a different ER with worse symptoms. That time, I actually saw a doctor, they ran tests, found nothing urgent, and told me to follow up with a cardiologist. So I did.

The cardiologist put me on a Holter monitor for a week and nothing unusual was detected. Around that same time, I started dealing with a whole new kind of fatigue and brain fog. It felt like I was walking through peanut butter up to my neck every day. I blamed my thyroid, but the labs were normal, so once again I was told I was fine and sent on my way.

I didn’t feel fine.

For two years, life became muted and lost its vibrance and color. I was constantly exhausted and barely functioning. I’d get home from my part-time job and have to crawl into bed for a nap every single day. And even with all that sleep, I still never felt rested. Then came the irritability. I remember one moment when it took all my self-control not to lose it on my husband over something small, and all I could think was, What is happening to me? Why am I acting like this? This isn’t who I am.

The insomnia that had always haunted me got worse too. I was waking up every 90 minutes. On the really bad nights, I couldn’t sleep past 2:30 a.m., no matter what I tried. I used THC gummies, over-the-counter sleep aids, prescription sleep aids, anxiety meds—nothing helped. I started to believe this was just what aging looked like, that this was my new normal, and it made everything feel heavier.

But I wasn’t ready to give up.

I saw a functional medicine doctor, shelled out for a bunch of tests, and completely changed how I ate. I cut out processed foods, alcohol, and anything that might trigger inflammation. My psoriasis went into remission, which was a huge win, and for a little while I felt hopeful. But even with clean eating, I still couldn’t lose weight—especially around my middle. My energy was still gone. The fog never fully cleared. I kept thinking, This cannot be it. This cannot be how I feel for the rest of my life.

So I made an appointment with my doctor to talk about HRT—also called MHT, depending on who you ask. I spent the days leading up to it reading, watching, and absorbing everything I could. I was convinced this was what I needed.

At the appointment, my doctor was hesitant at first because of a family history of Factor V Leiden, which is a clotting disorder. I understood her concern, but I asked if she’d heard of The New Menopause by Dr. Haver. She hadn’t, so I pushed a little harder. In it, Dr. Haver says the patch is safer, even in women with this family history. My quality of life was suffering, so I was willing to risk it. I was determined not to leave without that prescription, and finally, she agreed.

Five days ago, I started a low-dose estradiol patch along with micronized progesterone at night. And I’m honestly stunned by what’s already changed.

The bone-deep exhaustion I’ve lived with is lifting. I’m sleeping more deeply than I have in years. I still wake up a few times, but now I can fall back asleep. This morning, I slept until 4:30 a.m.—which might not sound like much to some, but for me, it’s huge. My energy levels are climbing. I even shaved 30 seconds off my average walking pace. The night sweats are gone. The fog in my head is clearing, and I’ve had the most productive writing week I’ve had in years. I feel lighter. Calmer. Sharper.

It feels like I’m waking up from a coma to a colorful new world where the birds are singing and Trump isn’t president.

I’m crossing things off my to-do list with ease, and I still have energy left at the end of the day. I’m not collapsing into bed anymore. It’s changing everything, and I know this is only the beginning as it takes a few months to reach full effects.

And here’s what really gets me: I could have started this years ago. I saw a cardiologist, Multiple ER Docs, my primary provider, and a functional medicine doctor, and NOT ONE of them said, “it might be perimenopause. Maybe you should consider HRT.” NOT ONE! It NEVER came up and frankly that pisses me off!

I had to do the research myself and then advocate for myself in order to find relief.

I came this close to spending $600 on a compounded hormone cream you squirt up your hoo-ha because I was so desperate, after being targeted by every menopausal supplement company on social media. That desperation ended up being the final push I needed to try one more difficult conversation with my doctor. And in the end, my HRT cost less than $20 out of pocket each month with insurance.

Thinking about the lost time is infuriating. And then I start thinking about all the women I know and love who are probably going through the same thing, feeling lost and exhausted and thinking this is just what aging feels like.

We’re taught to push through. To keep going. To believe this is just what happens as we get older.

But I’m here to say—it doesn’t have to be that way.

HRT might not be the right choice for everyone, and it’s something every woman has to decide for herself. But if you’re reading this and it resonates, I hope it gives you a starting point. I hope you look into it. Ask questions. Talk to your doctor. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.

I lost two years. That time is gone, and I can’t get it back. But if I can help someone else reclaim even a piece of theirs, it’s worth saying all of this out loud.

Why does medicine keep this from us? The conspiracy theorist in me wants to say it’s because medicine is still largely ruled by men who’d prefer to keep us small, and need to reduce our functioning brain power because a woman who has life experience is a threat. I know that’s not true. More likely, someone decided it was a far better use of research dollars to focus on impotence and male pattern baldness instead of women’s health. Sadly, this is where we are and it’s only getting worse under this administration.

I’m only a few days in, but HRT has already flipped a switch in my life. It’s like I’ve gone from glitchy mountain WiFi to a hardwired fiber connection—I’m clear, focused, firing on most cylinders now and it feels incredible.

I feel like I’ve found the key to the second half of my life, and I am shouting it from the roof tops. Do the research, Queen! You deserve to feel better!

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